Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder
by GnO Writing Co
Summary: The Ides of Christmas role around again for the aging Doctor, and this year the loneliness that shows its head around this time is stronger than usual. As he spends his Christmas in Bengal he meets a beautiful young woman who steals his heart. Can the Doctor continue to save the world while also vying for her heart?
1. Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder Chapter 1

GnO presents:

A Vadium Incorprenada production:

Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder:

 **Chapter one:**

 **An Untimely and Ultimately Unforeseen Meeting**

It was Christmas day, it was raining a frozen sort of snow, a kind that showed how cold it was, the Doctor, getting used to his new hand, was sitting alone on a frigid park bench in the middle of Bengal. The townspeople were running to and fro. The Doctor nursed his hand as he watched the people go about their meaningful lives, this is why the Doctor kept fighting time and time again for a seemingly ignorant, racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, idiotic, misogynistic, stupid, meaningless race of humans, because they celebrated Christmas. But, there is one thing that the Doctor always wanted. Something that seemingly everyone else on Earth got… True love… and this Christmas he was more and more depressed. Because everyone he loved had left him. To be with their families, and friends. All the Doctor wanted was someone as clever as him, as smart, as beautiful as him. And he knew, that no woman on Earth could ever amount to that. That is… until he saw this girl walking confidently without a Burqa. The men around her seemed to shrink in their stature as she stared them down, seemingly daring them to say anything about her lack of so called decency. The Doctor being progressive in his views of humanity knew that she was the future of females. One that did not even need a man.

"Now there's a girl." He stated under his breath.

The Doctor stood up and turned around to watch as this beautiful girl who was wearing blue short shorts, a maroon halter top, black stilettos and maroon fishnets. The Doctor walked forward, craning his neck to try to get a better look at this girl. The Doctor had seen many beautiful girls in his almost millennium long life time. But this one was different. She oozed confidence. And grace.

The unknown girl rounded the corner stepping over puddles and pot holes like a well-choreographed dance. The people around her avoided her eyes at all costs and the children cried. The doctor, stumbling over himself, fell over the metal park bench and face planted into snow. He quickly shot up and ran after the girl. She turned a corner and the doctor followed after. The cobblestone roads were loud with the sound of other people going about their day.

The Doctor peaked around the corner to see where this girl had gone. And despite his best efforts he didn't see her in the sea of people. With a grunt of frustration he ran back to the park and vaulted over the metal bench.

"Oh now, where did I park the Tardis?" at this he spun around a few times when he finally remembered.

"oh yes!" he shouted as he ran over to a near by tool shed and threw the doors open as quickly as he could. The old metal hinges failed and the door fell off into the mud. A few people around him looked up and he simply raised his hand.

"hello there, I'm just here to… check the tools." the people weren't even listening and simply kept walking.

"alright. Good talk." At this he waved again and opened the Tardis and flew across the controls until the Tardis wheezed to life.

"alright girl! Behave for me today. There is a girl I want to talk too. She went…. Uh…" at this the doctor turned around a few times and pointed.

"that way!?" he shouted.

The tool shed exploded when the Tardis rocketed up into the sky. Debris flew in every direction. No one noticed.

The Doctor put the Tardis on autopilot and ran to the door and opened them to look outside. He got onto his stomach and poked his head out the door so he could see the streets below. The snow was passing under him in a flurry. He could see the people below walking along the roads and the houses passed underneath him like a river of shacks. The smoke from the chimneys wafted into the Tardis filling it with the smell of wood burning.

The Doctors head flew side to side scanning for that girl.

"There! There she is! Quick, follow her." The doctor spotted her figure amongst the crowds. He shot up and ran back into the Tardis and excitedly pushed levers and turned buttons.

The day had passed, the girl had gone about her normal day. And the Doctor had searched for an opportunity to talk to this girl. Finally, she was alone in a small courtyard of an abandoned hospital. Eating a bagged lunch of caviar. The doctor landed the Tardis out of view and slowly snuck his way over to the courtyard. Through a broken window he saw her sitting on an old collapsed statue of a man. The identity of the statue was un-discernable at the moment. The doctor slowly lowered his head under the window to be out of sight and made his was as silently as possible over to the main entrance. He stood up straight, dusted off his clothes and rounded the corner trying to be as confident as possible. He swaged his way into the courtyard. He looked around, but despite just seeing her just a few moments ago she seemed to have disappeared.

"odd, she was just here." At this he was clubbed in the back of the head and fell to the ground in pain.

"oww! Why did you do that." He turned his head to see his attacker only to see the girl he had been looking for standing over him with small club in her hand. She lazily held it at her side.

"ah so you were following me. Creep." At this she kicked him in the ribs.

"no, I wasn't following you, I just wanted to talk to you." The Doctor mewled.

"oh really? Following me in a flying machine huh? Well I am not as stupid as the rest of the people here. I noticed and don't think I didn't. I lead you here so I could rid the world of another creep. So what are you huh? Government attack dog gone rouge? Did you steal some fancy tech from uncle Sam? No, not the Government, the Government would never let an idiot like you pilot something advanced. Not paranormal either, you bleed just like any other man. So what, you must be alien then.." at this she placed her finger on her chin as if to think.

"okay space man, I'll give you a chance to explain yourself." She barked.

The Doctor was stunned this girl was very clever. And beautiful.

"wait just tell me your name and I will tell you anything you want to know" the Doctor was struggling to speak from her intimidating presence.

All the Doctor heard was a sigh

"wow, you followed me all day and you didn't learn my name? now I am offended. My name is Britney Claire Chastity, also known as your worst nightmare creep."

And then he was knocked out in one blow.

 **FIN**


	2. Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder Chapter 2

GnO presents:

A Vadium Incorprenada production:

Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder:

 **Chapter two:**

 **Tied Up…But Not in A Good Way**

The Doctor awoke with a throbbing head. His vision was blurry, so he blinked two times. In the end, it didn't matter if his vision was blurry or not…he couldn't see anyways. He was surrounded in pitch black blackness. He motioned his arm to move so he could rub his poor head…but he couldn't! His hands were tied behind the back of the rigid, frigid metal chair. As his mind became clear…he began to realize that even his feet were tied and he could feel a piece of cloth covering his eyeballs. Suddenly, he heard footsteps echoing down what he assumed was a hallway. Then, he heard the sound of a door being opened, and he could see bits of light through the cloth of his blindfold.

"Hello?" he called out.

"Is this a game…I like games" he winked under the blindfold.

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH you idiotic psychoooooooooo," moaned and groaned a feminine voice.

"Think of this as more of an…interrogation…with benefits," the voice whispered into his ear.

"Ooooooooo, what kind of benefits?" the Doctor asked curiously.

Suddenly, the blindfold was ripped off of his face and the Doctor was blinded not only by the bright light of the cellar…but he was also blinded by the girls beauty.

"The benefit is you may leave with almost all your fingers and maybe your tongue."

The Doctor watched as Britney Claire Chasity stood in front of him and as she cracked her beautiful and delicate knuckles and as she waved her club at him in a threatening manner. He looked into her beautiful, chocolate, peanut butter blue eyes and he saw something that he's never seen before. She gave him a look that was either kind or full of hatred…he couldn't quite tell…and he honestly didn't care! He was so lost in her beauty. The Doctor also noticed how her blonde hair, that looked like the boiling sun…strawberry blonde, was blowing in the wind…although their was no air blowing in this dark, smelly chamber.

"So…why am I here?" the Doctor asked even though he didn't really care as long as he was in the same room and breathing the same air as Britney Claire Chasity.

"You're going to answer all my questions… .one. If you aren't lying…I may even throw in a reward," Britney Claire Chasity said in a fake flirtatious voice.

"Oooooooooo, what kind of reward?"

"YOU GET TO LEAVE ALIVE!…maybe"

The Doctor watched as Britney Claire Chasity got up all in his grill, but he didn't mind. He liked that he could be this close to a beautiful and smart girl like Britney Claire Chasity. He could smell her Gucci Guilty perfume…it drove him wild…he could barely breath…but it was okay because she is just so beautiful and close to him.

"So, space man…why are you here?" Britney Claire Chasity questioned.

She was so close the Doctor could smell her minty breath…it was also by Gucci.

"I'm here…" he couldn't finish his sentence because he was so overwhelmed by her beauty.

The Doctor then felt a wave of shock as Britney Claire Chasity slapped him across his cheek with her soft hands. He could smell the vanilla lotion on her hands.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" she demanded.

"I'm here because you tied me up here," replied the Doctor.

Britney Claire Chasity slapped him again, and the Doctor inhaled to get a whiff of that sweet, sweet, sweet vanilla lotion.

"WRONG ANSWER!"

"I'm here because I am lonely. I hear that Christmas is nice here in Bengal," the Doctor finally confessed.

"That…is the dumbest reason ever…but it makes sense. Maybe your alone because you are a creep who stalks a completely ordinary young eighteen-year-old woman"

"My lady, I didn't mean it in a creepy way. You are a beautiful and smart woman who I would like to get to better," the Doctor said defensively.

"Mhmmmmmm," Britney Claire Chasity hummed as she tapped her black stilettos against the cold stone floor.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean I'd like to make you my companion. You see, I like to travel the galaxy with another person. For some reason, all my companions are female…but I'm not complaining," the Doctor answered.

Britney Claire Chasity replied to the Doctor's answer by once again slapping him across the cheek. The Doctor let out a small wince, but he didn't care. He was too focused on Britney Claire Chasity vanilla lotion with a hint of her Gucci Guilty perfume.

"What did I do to deserve that?" he asked.

The Doctor didn't care if she hit him. In fact, he wanted her to continue hitting him. He wanted to continue smelling her smell…that toxic vanilla lotion with the hint of that Gucci perfume. It made his gag and wheeze…but he loved it.

"You didn't do anything…you're just plain creepy," Britney Claire Chasity replied.

Britney Claire Chasity stepped away from the Doctor and dragged her club against the floor of the chamber as if to intimidate the strange man. The Doctor, however, was enjoying it. Even though he felt a bit intimidated, he was distracted by her beauty.

"Okay, space man, what do you do in that weird ship box thing?"

"That weird ship box thing is the TARDIS and I use it to travel through the galaxy and to time travel."

Britney Claire Chasity raised her eyebrows, "Time travel?"

"Why yes. You see, I'm a bit of a time traveler."

Britney Claire Chasity looked at the Doctor with squinted eyes, "What…are you?"

"That's an easy question," began the Doctor, "I'm…the man of your dreams."

The Doctor gave Britney Claire Chasity a cheeky wink and a smirk. In annoyance, Britney Claire Chasity lifted her hand and struck his cheek with the back of her hand. The Doctors cheeks stung and becoming red…but it was worth it. He'd do anything to smell that sweet scent.

"Look here, space man, I would like to see this…TARDIS of yours. I'll untie you but only so you can take me to your space ship."

"With pleasure," the Doctor replied.

Another slap echoed against the stone walls of the cellar as Britney Claire Chasity slapped the Doctor for what seemed like the hundredth time. As the Doctor got high on his favorite mixture of vanilla and Gucci Guilty, Britney Claire Chasity untied his arms and legs. Still high on his new favorite aroma, the Doctor followed Britney Claire Chasity as she strutted out of the cellar.

 **FIN**


	3. Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder Chapter 3

GnO presents:

A Vadium Incorprenada production:

Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder:

 **Chapter Three:**

 **A Quick Trip Through the Galaxy for Supper**

The Doctor was finally outside the Cellar of the Hospital, the Cold biting air of winter cleared his mind somewhat. Something about Britney Claire Chasity really got to him. The Doctor privately thought for a moment that perhaps Britney Claire Chasity had somehow released pheromones to get him to act as he did. However, as he looked back over his shoulder at the young woman behind him he thought, perhaps, that she just brought something out of him that he hadn't felt in a really long time. Not since he was a young one on Galifrey. As the Doctor passed the crumbling statue in the courtyard he turned around to look at Britney Claire Chasity.

"so, I would just like to apologize for earlier, you see I wasn't quite feeling myself…" he said politely.

"oh, so you don't think I am beautiful then?" the Doctor saw anger spread over her face as she said this.

"No no no of course not, you are indeed quite… fetching but I didn't really act appropriately." He said in a cordial tone.

She only flipped her hair.

"Just take us to the dumb ship." she said.

The Doctor took one last glace at her beauty before he turned around and continued to lead Britney Claire Chasity to the Tardis. as the snow drifted into the room where the Tardis sat it created an almost serialist scene. An out of place blue police box sat in an old decrepit hospital. The Doctor was smiling ear to ear, leaning against the wooden frames of his ship.

"So help me, if you lied to me and lead me to a piece of junk or art display I will beat you upside the head, and because I know you would enjoy it so I would just have to hit you harder" Britney Claire Chasity said.

"no, this is my ship. This is the Tardis. like I said." He loved how sassy Britney Claire Chasity was.

" it's a bit cozy isn't it. I'm sure you wont mind. But if you try anything you will lose something." At this Britney Claire Chasity pushed pass the Doctor and walked into the Tardis.

" wait to five, one, two, three, four, five… wait for dramatic effect..." at this he entered the Tardis his arms wide open.

"This, my dear Britney is the Time and Relative Dimensions In Space, the Tardis. and it's not cramped, as you can see…." The Doctor lost his thunder when he saw Britney Claire Chasity simply sat in the chair next to the console playing on her phone and chewing bubble gum.

"yeah, non-Euclidian geometry is already theoretical here on Earth, its not impressive." She said, not looking up from her phone.

"so… you said you wanted to see the Tardis, here it is…" the Doctor said hoping to break the awkward silence that had fallen over the Tardis.

"yeah, it is honestly not as impressive as I thought it was, now that I see it I could probably figure it out. Just give me like, two three days. Its looks pretty easy."

She said looking around.

"well, this is actually one of the most sophisticated pieces of technology in the Universe I don't thing anyone but a highly trained Time Lord could figure out how to fly it let alone build one." The Doctor said gently stroking the controls of the Tardis.

The Doctor knew Britney Claire Chasity was smart from the first time he met her but there was no way she could figure out how to fly it. no one in their right mind would even attempt to fly a Tardis without training… and now Britney was flying it.

In the few seconds that The Doctor had spent gazing at Britney Claire Chasity deep in thought she had arisen walked to the controls and almost instinctually began to press and pull and maneuver to fly the Tardis.

"well, I guess Time Lords aren't too smart. I mean these controls are pretty self-explanatory." she said.

She looked over at a dumbfounded Doctor who was conflicted weather to be disappointed that she was already a better pilot then him or be excited that she was as smart as him. The scent of her lotion and perfume was starting to waft over to him again. And the Doctor knew that her intoxicating aroma would make him go insane again. So he slyly turned on a ventilation shaft to ventilate the room more.

"Where are we going Britney?" asked the Doctor, it was strange to be the one asking that question for once.

Britney Claire Chasity turned her head from the controls and looked at the Doctor with her heart melting gaze that made the Doctor feel butterflies in his stomach.

"well, I figured it would only be nice of me to take you out to eat." She said, showing a side of her that the Doctor hadn't seen before.

The Doctor leaned back in shock. "Wait, so you aren't going to hit me? Or yell at me or any other action that would normally be considered unattractive but is highly attractive when you do it for some reason?"

"No, of course not, I am not crazy." Silence ruled for a few moments as no one said anything.

The doctor regained composure. "well, where are we eating?"

For the first time Britney Claire Chasity looked slightly tripped up, no wait that was a trick of the light. She looked at him confidently.

"The lady chooses first…" at this she gave the controls over to the Doctor with a wink.

The Doctor let out a hearty laugh. "okay, I guess the Centeptillian Sixty-eight-star Restaurant at the Mall of the Milky Way will do."

"sounds gay… let's go to McDonald's. she said quickly.

The Doctor shook his head at Britney Claire Chasity wacky antics and flew across the controls doing the best he could to impress her. The doctor thought for a moment. If she wanted to go to McDonald's he would take her to the best McDonald's In the Galaxy.

The Tardis wheezed and it flew into the time vortex into space. After millions of years and miles the Tardis reappeared.

The Doctor threw open the doors and stood out of the way so that Britney Claire Chasity could have a clear view.

"Welcome Britney Claire Chasity, welcome to the largest McDonald's ever. They will never get bigger than this. This is McDonaldavia the planetoid completely converted into a giant McDonald's.

Britney Claire Chasity stepped out of the Tardis and say miles high Golden Arches. Giant ships with flood lights flew close to the ground touting advertisements and deals. Millions of flying cars buzzed in and out of the giant, monolithic towers and Robot slaves that looked like the mascot of the restaurant served food to hundred of people gathered around tables.

"You see Britney Claire Chasity, there are Quantum entanglement teleporters all over the planets. McDonalds has become so huge that they placed the teleporters into every single restaurant at every planet. They all lead here. Its cheaper to use robots than…. And shes gone." In the middle of his speech the Doctor looked down to see that Britney Claire Chasity was gone. After a few frantic moments he found her at one of the small ordering gazebos where a robot awaited. Its voice was eerily similar to that of a reluctant teenager.

"welcome to McDonalds, home of the McBurger and McSoda. How may I help you today Ma'am/ sir/ undefined?" the robot said in a whiney tone.

"yeah, I would like two number nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip. And… I will try a McCrisis." She said looking intently at the board.

"alright ma'am that will be forty million Credors" the robot said dreading the change.

"oh I don't have any money, Doctor?" she looked over at the Doctor who pulled out his Sonic Screw Driver and buzzed the robot to give her the food.

"thank you ma'am/sir/undefined. I must warn you that the McCrisis has been known to maim, kill, disfigure, and brutally mutilate 99% of customers who order it." the Robot said as if Britney Claire Chasity had annoyed it.

"yeah that's fine." She said.

Britney Claire Chasity got her tray with a few boxes and a large titanite container covered in warning signs and flashing lights. And an automated voice that said

"WARNING, WARNING." Constantly.

"uh, Britney Claire Chasity I wouldn't eat that McCrisis if I were you, its really dangerous you see." The doctor cautiously approached Britney Claire Chasity to take the box away from her.

"Oh, I am not eating it. I am eating all of this," she said motioning to the rest of the food.

"oh good, I was worri…" the Doctor was interrupted mid-sentence by Britney Claire Chasity.

"you are going to eat it." she said.

"What? There is no way I will let a McCrisis around me or any of my organs." He said

"ohhh but Doctorr…. Wont you do this for little ole me…." As she said this she climbed on the table and crawled across it to get right into the Doctors face.

"okay" he said.

The Doctor grabbed the surprisingly heavy Titanite box and hovered his hand over it. ready to press the big red button to open the box…

FIN


	4. Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder Chapter 4

GnO presents:

A Vadium Incorprenada production:

Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder:

 **Chapter Four:**

 **The Strange and Curious Case of the McCrisis**

The Doctor pressed the shiny red button to open the shiny, frigid metal box that had the words warning painted on the box in bright yellow paint. The top of the box opened, hot steamy steam poured out of the lid. The Doctor waved his hand, blowing the smoke out of his handsome, perfect, masculine face. Inside the box…was a burger…but not just an ordinary burger…it was the McCrisis. This burger was hot…and steamy. The smell of freshly cooked beef filled the McDonalds atmosphere. The Doctor removed the burger so he could take a closer look at it. He couldn't see the burger due to all of that steam.

The burger was huge. It had the fluffiest buns the Doctor had ever seen! The burger was made up of sixty patties…it was a mystery how so many patties took up the space of only one patty. The Doctor lifted up the top bun and noticed that these weren't just ordinary big, fluffy buns…they were big, fluffy, cheesy grilled cheeses. He also realized that all sixty patties were drenched in mayo and cheese. He also also realized that pieces of bacon were in between each patty. He also also also realized there was chicken McNuggets dipped in the finest ranch dressing between the bacon. Then, he also realized there were fish fillets in between the ranch dipped McNuggets. The Doctor also noticed the mac and cheese that covered the fish fillet patties. Before setting the McCrisis onto the table, the Doctor noticed that there were sausage patties that were under the fish fillet patties covered in mac and cheese, which were between the chicken McNuggests dipped in the finest ranch, which was under the bacon, and which the bacon was under all sixty patties. All slathered in fine mix of bacon grease, boiled Coke, and powered sugar. It was beautiful, and terrible.

The Doctor just…stared at the horror that was a burger. He looked at Britney Claire Chasity who was still sitting on all fours on the table. She was twirling her boiling sun strawberry blonde hair around her precious little slim finger. The Doctor then just looked back at the McCrisis. He really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, okay last one…really…okay I lied…really did not want to eat that heart attack on the most steamy and fluffiest buns he'd ever seen. Those buns were perfect…even the sesame seeds were perfect.

"Do I have to eat this? I'm kind of on a diet," said the Doctor.

Britney Claire Chasity batted her long eyelashes that were attached to the lids of her chocolate peanut butter blue eyeballs.

"Oh, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease space man…won't you do it for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,"

The Doctor gulped. He really wanted to impress Britney Claire Chasity…but was dying worth it? But he thought…what the heck.

"Okay, I'll do it. But, please stop calling me space man."

Britney Claire Chasity raised her painted on eye brows, "Oh…what shall I call you then?"

"The Doctor…call me the Doctor."

"Oh, do you have a PHD?" Britney Claire Chasity asked.

"Yeah, I'm a pretty hot dude," the Doctor replied with a cheeky wink and a smirk.

Britney Claire Chasity grabbed the McCrisis off of the table and shoved it into the Doctor's mouth. The Doctor began choking on the McCrisis…he couldn't breath due to his stopped up nose and the big hunk of food that was in his mouth. He was panicking…but he kinda liked it. I mean…who wouldn't like a smart, clever, and beautiful girl shoving a huge burger down your throat? No one would try to stop them.

The Doctor looked into Britney Claire Chasity's eyes and saw pure rage…or maybe it was love. The Doctor decided that it was pure love…and his chest felt warm. His stomach felt as if thousands of butterflies were tickling his intestines. His lungs burned…probably because he was being choked and from the lack of oxygen. But, the doctor believed he was just so overwhelmed by Britney Claire Chasity's beauty.

"How does it taste? Huh?!" Britney Claire Chasity said, her voice dripped with a toxic rage and hatred…maybe. The Doctor honestly thought it was love.

"It's so good," The Doctor choked out muffled words.

Honestly…it was the worst thing he had ever consumed in all of his long life. It tasted as if someone had stuck their foot into a deep fryer and then dipped it into coke, spoiled ranch, and mayo. He wanted to die…he felt dead on the inside honestly. But, he didn't want to disappoint Britney Claire Chasity…and he also didn't want to hurt the McDonald's slave robots' feelings. Even though the taste was terrible…he was still enjoying being choked to death.

"EAT IT!" demanded Britney Claire Chasity and one of the slave robots who had the voice of an angsty teenager.

The Doctor prayed to any god who could hear him and took a big bite of the McCrisis. He chewed, fighting the urge to spit it out, but he slowly swallowed the burger.

"How did it taste?" Britney Claire Chasity asked in a flirty tone…still on the table on all fours.

"…Delicious…" the Doctor said after a loud burp.

"Ugh….um…I detect…like…a lie…um…ugh…beep ugh….boop...ugh," said the angsty teen McDonald slave robot.

Britney Claire Chasity eyes burned with rage as she slapped the Doctor while she was on all threes on the table. The Doctor held his sore cheek. He was a bit shocked…but he didn't stay a bit shocked for long. He liked it…he liked it a lot. The Doctor didn't think it was a slap…rather…it was a love tap…more like a love slap though. Either way the Doctor didn't care. This was how Britney Claire Chasity showed her love to him…he thought.

Britney Claire Chasity grabbed the rest of the burger and shoved it down the Doctors throat. Once again, he began to choke…but it was okay because he liked it. Tears welled in his beautiful perfect eyes as he choked on the burger. The Doctor fell to the tiled floor, still choking on the McCrisis. Mayo, ranch, and mac and cheese poured out of the sides of his mouth. The condiments, the buns, and all of the meat drizzled and fell down his throat…suffocating him. While he was choking to death on this big bugger, he also began suffering from a double heart attack. And then…he died. Britney Claire Chasity looked at the man she had killed. She shrugged, dipped a French fry into some ketchup, and ate it…salt and ketchup stuck to her perfect soft pink lips.

 **FIN**


	5. Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder Chapter 5

GnO presents:

A Vadium Incorprenada production:

Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder:

 **Chapter Five:**

 **The Philosophy of Life and Death, When you Can Regenerate**

The Doctors lifeless body was still lying on the floor, No one else seemed to care that someone was dead in the middle of McDonaldavia. After all, he had ordered and eaten the McCrisis, the most dangerous food in the Universe. No, indeed no one was surprised that he was dead. And no one cared either. It was not unheard of for people to die in McDonaldavia. The food was renowned for its highly inconsistent food quality. Sometimes it was decent sometimes It would kill you. As the Doctor laid on the floor two burly Robots lifted out of the floor not twelve feet away. They were at least seven feet tall and had a janitor's hat on, and a giant bin of trash on their back. As the two robots approached they scanned Britney Claire Chasity with a visible beam of light. And then after a moment of hesitation they turned their steely gaze towards the Doctors body. The beam of light scanned the Doctors body.

"Excuse me ma'am/sir/undefined, are you responsible for this meat?" the Robot on the left said in a more robotic voice than the cashier in the sales Gazebo.

"No, not at all. He ate the McCrisis. Although I am curious if you can help him?" Britney Claire Chasity asked innocently.

"Negative, he has been overwhelmed by the goodness that is the McCrisis." At this the McDonalds theme played over their mono sound speakers.

"oh, what are you going to do with him?" Britney Claire Chasity asked finally getting off of the table.

The Robot on the left approached the Doctors carcass and picked it up in one of its clawed hands and swiftly and effortlessly threw it into the bin on its back. It then proceeded to the small elevator that had appeared out of the floor. The remaining robot looked at Britney Claire Chasity and said.

"He will be treated as all trash on McDonaldavia is treated, he will be smashed, bashed, crushed, pulverized, atomized, gooified, recycled, destroyed, eviscerated…." The Robot continued to monotonously drill out different protocols that the Doctors body would go through. When Britney Claire Chasity interrupted.

"uh, yeah but like he is dead shouldn't you at least bury him or something?"

The Robots voice stopped. It tilted its head by forty-five degrees and asked.

"What is this term, "bury"?"

"Never mind." Britney Claire Chasity said looking a bit down.

The Robot bowed slightly and hovered back to its elevator. Britney Claire Chasity placed her hand on her chin. She wondered how she would be able to get back to Earth without knowing how to choose where to go in space and time in the Tardis. finally, she just shrugged.

"I will figure it out I am smart enough to figure out anything."

At that she walked back to the Tardis.

The Doctor awoke in a hot room high in humidity and only sporadically lit by sparks from the wall.

"ugh... what." He said as he slowly stood up, his head pounding and his body feeing like it was made of lead. The bolts of electricity illuminated a room about twelve by twelve. The ground was covered completely in trash. The floor was actually a giant conveyer belt. One that was stopped at the moment.

"oh no… no no no, I must have regenerated!" at this he turned around and saw every surface of the room he was trapped in was scalded and scorched from his energetic release.

The Doctor approached one end of the room and found a large metal bulkhead had descended over the conveyer belt. Another bulkhead was on the other end of the room.

"There must be controls somewhere…" The Doctor said to himself.

He approached the walls and placed his ear onto it. he then pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver and tapped it against the wall.

"hmm." He said as he slowly made his way across the wall tapping in a systematic pattern until he heard a slight hollow sound at one of the creases of the many metal panels that lined the walls.

"ah ha, there you are... wait a second… I have a new voice… Hello hello." He was distracted for a moment as he felt his throat.

"Right, back to work then." He said

He then peeled off the panel and just as he had suspected a wall of wires and flashing lights resided behind it. a small port for presumably a robotic maintenance crew was situated in the middle of it all. Sadly the Doctor didn't have a port stick to interact with the room.

"hmm, I see." He said under his breath. He pulled out his Sonic Screw driver and buzzed the wall. Tracing the specific wires and components. Probing the controls and security for any weakness.

"There you are, a double compounded security matrix. That would be hard for anyone but me… and… done." At that the bulkhead to the right of the Doctor opened with a groaning screech. Until it finally slotted into the top of the frame.

"alright then" the doctor said.

He dusted off his hands and walked confidently towards the three-ton metal door. But after two steps towards it the door slammed back shut with such force that it shook the entire room with a deafening thud. The doctor wiped off refuse from his new face.

"right, I guess I accidently fried the controls…" The doctor said frankly.

he held his Sonic Screw driver up to the control panel again and opened the door again. he took a few steps away from the control panel, careful to keep the Screwdriver pointed directly at it. then with a few quick breaths he rolled under the door and into the next room. Almost as soon as the screw drivers influence had left the door slammed shut again.

Darkness surrounded him. And this room was just as warm as the last. The humidity almost suffocating and the smell horrible. Almost gagging, the doctor light his screw driver to cast a faint green light over everything. And what he saw was straight out of a seventies sci fi movie. A room about fifteen feet by seven feet that was filled from bottom to top with trash and bodies and other terrible things. And along the sides of the walls were sharp protrusions that seemed to have old trash hanging off of them.

"oh no… this doesn't look good." He said.

He was careful not to move, not wanting to activate the dormant machine. he peered into the darkness trying to see a way to solve his problem. The mountains of trash cast weird shadows onto the walls. The Filth everywhere reeked and festered. A truly horrible place to be. the Doctor covered his mouth with his shirt and walked forward. This was when he realized that the floor was covered In about two inches of all sorts of liquids, grease, water, sodas, and other terrible things that are put into the trash. He shined his screwdriver around scanning for something to get him out of here. Avoiding the spikes and trash as best as possible.

"Okay Doctor… how do I get out of here? how does trash get out of a compactor…" he looked around and saw the trash piled high.

"okay that's not the right question…" he said to himself.

"How does the liquid drain from this place. Anywhere is preferable to being crushed to death…" he said quickly.

He looked around quickly looking closely at the floor looking for a drain. The water was too filthy to see through. It was at this moment he realized how much noise he was making.

"stop for a moment Doctor…" he said. "just listen..."

He listened and focused his hearing. He heard the movement of the water, the groan of metal, the buzz of electricity. He focused on the water, with all of his concentration he followed it. he got many cuts from the sharp metal in the trash. He had to crawl on his hands and knees at some points to get through the tiny holes in the great mountain of trash. Until finally he found a large metal cover that was four feet wide. It had a few holes in it to let the liquid out.

"I hate this idea so much." The Doctor said as he buzzed the cover. Giant hydraulics opened the cover and the Doctor having no other options plugged his nose and jumped down the dark dank hole.

Britney Claire Chasity was back at the Tardis simply playing with the controls. She had figured out hours ago how to work the thing but the prospect of being able to go anywhere at any time was a bit daunting. She could go back and kill Hitler, even though he did nothing wrong. Or kill Stalin even though he did nothing wrong. Or kill George Washington. Oh yeah, he deserved it but then she wouldn't have been born. All the options she had she couldn't choose where to go.

"wow, I am so bored… I wish I knew where to go, everywhere in the universe is just so boring. I wish I could just go back and make things cool… wait a second."

At that Britney Claire Chasity went to the wardrobe and expertly made a costume of a half human half hawk. She placed it upon her head and put the coordinates for ancient Egypt on Earth.

Britney Claire Chasity walked back into the Tardis after spending all day posing as Ra and instituting a new society that will put women at their rightful place. A society that values women and that treats everyone as the same. And a society with about twenty two thousand AK forty sevens to help them defend themselves and to spread their view

"I can see no way this will go wrong." Britney Claire Chasity said to herself as she tore off her hawk mask and popped a lolly pop into her mouth.

 **FIN**


	6. Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder Chapter 6

GnO presents:

A Vadium Incorprenada production:

Doctor Who and the Girl Wonder:

 **Chapter Six**

 **The Doctor Wades Through the Trash Wasteland**

The Doctor slid down the pipe of the drain, still plugging his nose. Though he could avoid the stench, he couldn't avoid being drenched by the smelly, murky water. It was like a sewage slipping slide…and it was not pleasant. As he plunged further down the pipe, he began to pick up speed. The Doctor thought he had been quiet for the whole slipping slide ride, so he began screaming.

"GERONIMO!" the Doctor cried out.

After slipping and sliding for quite some time, the Doctor finally reached the end. The pipe spit him out and he fell into a pile of filth. The Doctor stood up, neck deep in the pile of garbage. The smell…oh the smell was even worse! And if that wasn't bad…well his shoes were now filled with sewage water and his cloths were drenched. The Doctor fought back the urge to gag…but he gagged anyways. The stench made his eyes sting and tears welled in his perfect hazel eyes. He looked at his surroundings through the tears that blurred his vison. It was dark, dank, and is was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, smelly!

"Right…" the Doctor began, "Now I have to figure out how to get out of here."

The Doctor groaned loudly and began marching through the trash. He wondered if there was another drain pipe…there had to be! The trash had to leave somewhere…unless they had built a facility so far under the ground and they were just burning the trash. As if on que, the far walls burst into flames, setting fire to the garbage that was closest to the wall. Soon, the fire began spreading…and it was spreading quickly.

"Oh…oh that's not good," The Doctor said, a bit of panic in his voice…but only a bit.

The Doctor began wiggling through the mountain of garbage. It was like swimming over waves of filth and sewage water. He felt as if he was drowning in filth, but the fire made it even worse. He didn't want to be boiled alive in sewage water. He began searching for a way out…praying that he could find one! He slowly began making his way towards the middle of the room. Under his feet, he could tell that there was a metal grate. The Doctor had a disgusted look on his face. His only escape may be right under his feet. He pulled his nose and dove down into the garbage and the murky water.

The Doctor made his way down, wiggling in between garbage. When he finally reached the bottom, he examined the grate closely. It was a frigid, metal grate that covered another frigid, metal, circular pipe. The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver from his filthy britches and pointed it at the grate. He pressed the button and the blue light from the screwdriver illuminated the murky water. The grate opened and the Doctor found himself falling down another pipe. The slide was very slow at first. The Doctor crossed his arms as he slowly slid down the pipe…bored by the smelly ride. He thought this was supposed to be exciting. Suddenly, he began to pick up speed. The Doctor raised his arms and began cheering…but he wouldn't be for long. Soon, the Doctor spit him out into a sea of garbage and sewage water.

The Doctor swam up to the surface and spat out the disgusting water that had entered his mouth. He wanted to puke…but he knew that was a terrible idea. He looked at his surroundings, but all around him was murky water. He was in the middle of a sea that was made up of sewage water. The Doctor let out a loud groan, but at least he was no longer in the trash facility and at least he wasn't being burned alive. The Doctor began to swim in a random direction. He didn't know where he'd end up and he didn't really care. He just didn't want to stay in his ocean any longer. Besides, who knows what creatures swam in this disgusting water. Maybe there were trash sharks…again who knows. The Doctor swam until he reached land.

When he finally reached land, he crawled onto the sandy beach and just laid there. He pressed his right cheek into the sand, grains of sand now covered his face and were stuck in his hair. People who passed by looked at him as if he was crazy, but he didn't care what they thought. He was just glad he made it to land. The Doctor closed his eyes and fell asleep on the beach.

When the Doctor awoke from his sleep, it appeared to be evening. He picked himself up and brushed the sand off of his filthy cloths…which was pointless. He was already filthy. He walked up the beach into a bath house to wash off the sand off of his face and out of his hair. He walked into a stall, turned on the water, and began washing his hair and face. He didn't bother removing his clothes…they probably would never be clean again anyways. When he got out of the shower he walked over to the lockers and began looking inside. He found a nice dress shirt, dress pants, and a nice tie…a bow tie in fact! He dressed himself in his new cloths and strutted out of the locker room, leaving behind the disgusting cloths.

The Doctor now didn't know what to do. He figured he should probably return to the McDonaldavia to see what Britney Claire Chasity was up to. He wondered if he should take her home…or maybe he should keep her around. Sure, she tried to kill him…no…she did kill him! But…maybe she wasn't so bad…just maybe. The Doctor sighed, shrugged, and began walking back to the restaurant.

He walked into the McDonaldavia and looked around. Everything was the same, the slave robots were still there, the food was still on the table, even bits of the McCrisis remained…but something was missing. A certain someone was missing.

"Now…where oh where did Britney Claire Chasity run off to?" The Doctor said around. He began walking around the restaurant, looking in every corner. He couldn't find her though, he didn't see her and her boiling sun strawberry blonde hair anywhere. The Doctor began to panic. Sure, he didn't fancy her now, but he didn't want her alone in an unknown world.

"Britney Claire Chasity!"

The Doctor began to panic. He burst into the restrooms, searching for her, but alas…she was no where is sight. If Britney Claire Chasity wasn't here…then was… The Doctor ran out of the McDonaldavia and towards the spot he parked the TARDIS. It had vanished…it was no where in sight. The Doctors hearts fell into his stomach and he fell onto the paved road. He was feeling so many things all at the same time. He was shocked, he was scared, he was very anxious. The TARDIS…it was gone!


End file.
